Today is my third wedding anniversary (and my 3rd Thirteen woo!), so we're getting ready to go out to the dinner theater tonight. This is cause for a slimmer 13 than my previous 2, and I'm going to go a bit introspective, hope that's okay. I'm kinda going out on a limb, and am afraid it will be too... I don't know, too blech. :)
Anyone who's known me for a long time knows that I'm not the most positive person ever (understatement) and that I tend to fixate on the negative (you mean there's a positive?) aspects of things. I got so tired of people telling me that I'm the only one that can make myself happy, and that I must enjoy being depressed because I am so much, etc. Then my Dad's favorite one that just sent me through the top every time was "get over it" oh, that one made me really mad! (love you Dad! he meant well lol!)
So now I'm out on my own and married to a wonderful husband who's pretty outgoing and upbeat, and I wonder how in the world and why in the world he puts up with me. Well, maybe some of his personality is rubbing off on me, I don't know. I sure hope so! At any rate, I'm staring at being laid off for the 2nd time in 2 years, and having to go find another job, a terrifying prospect, and until I survived the first time, ranked right up there in my mind with the death of a family member or some other major disaster . I know, I know, but I've been sheltered. I'm not a fan of change. ;) The point is, you can't get stuck at OMG what will I do? You can indulge in that for a little bit, but you have to move on to a plan, even if the steps are tiny. And having done that once, I gained a lot of confidence that I can do it again. So this time when I got the news, I was extremely upset of course, because I'd just found this place that I was doing good and getting along, and bam, out of job again. Now I have something like 6 months to transition my job away and stew about it. But I moved on. I decided I was tired of being depressed, so I just wasn't going to be anymore. And THAT was a major step, and kind of a revelation for me. It's not going to be easy, but I know I'll get through it, and I've decided that I don't want this situation to have that kind of power over me. It's not something I can explain to anyone else either, to help them get there, though I certainly wish I could. I think you just have to hit a wall and refuse to go down.
Today, I broke my glasses. Not a big deal, irritating yes, but it can be taken care of, and don't get me wrong, I'm miffed, but I didn't cry, and that statement right there leads me to what my 13 is about today. When the statement "But I didn't cry" becomes a statement of success in my personal growth, developement, attitude adjustment? Whatever you want to call it! it doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it's definitely a sign that I've won, if it can't make me cry, because I cry VERY easily!
I even had to laugh when I gave blood for the first time and got my blood type back, B+, it was like a little cosmic reminder to not let it get to you!
I often give myself pep talks in the shower *blush* and I start out from something like, "I just can't do this today" and gradually work up to "It'll be fine, one step at a time, you can do it" and this range of human determination is interesting to me, we're very resilient and dynamic. I have to say that I finally can understand it when people say to me "You're the only one that can make yourself happy" and it is the truth. It's not easy, and it doesn't always work, but you have to try, and if you try, and keep trying, you'll eventually get there. You don't have to go from 0-60 in 5 seconds, take it slow, work your way up, and you'll get there. I've seen a difference in myself, because of trying, and my best advice is to just take it slow, but keep going.
so, without further ado, and thanks for getting through my rambling, here is the 13 levels to Yes that I came up with (in the shower) and yes, I did fit them to the numbers, not the other way around! LOL!
1. I can't.
2. I won't.
3. I shouldn't.
4. I don't know.
5. I'm not sure.
6. I'll think about it.
8. It's possible.
9. I'm considering it.
10. It's more than likely
11. I probably will.
12. I really want to.
13. Yes I will, and nothing can stop me!
You don't have to go from 1-13 in one step, most people probably couldn't, but even moving up one number is a win!
Thanks for stopping by (so it wasn't as slim of a 13 as I'd thought)! Hope I wasn't too TMI for ya this time! *blush*
I'm out for the evening now, but I'll catch up with you all tomorrow!